See right now it's a bummer because I can't read at least 2/3 of the doctorwho posts, because of spoilers. And I don't want to be, um, spoiled. I want to watch the specials cold. I have never quite understood the need for spoilers, actually. Even when I was a kid I never peeked at Christmas presents. I like being surprised, but that's me. This is why I watch online sometimes, to get the story before I hear too much about it.

I do appreciate the spoiler warnings about The End of Time. Please keep them coming. Part of me just wants it over, and so is attracted to spoilers--but the bigger part of me wants to be surprised. No matter what. Sob.

I will miss Tennant terribly. But I'm willing to give Matt Smith a chance--when 9 turned into 10, I was upset, but I adjusted and then sort of fell in like with the 10th Doctor. (Possibly lust.) I love his style. I keep thinking--Moff won't let us down, right? The stories will be good, right? Oh I hope so. I'm with Tennant--I want the show to keep on being good so I can watch it.

I'm not dissing those who post spoilers. Post away! I just don't get it is all. Duh. So in the meantime, talk amongst yourselves, and I'll start commenting on the 26th of December. Or after New years. Oh man, almost (and more than) a month. Can my heart take it? It had better damn well be, in the end, glorious. I'm holding you to that, Tennant.

So today when the mail came my HeadEssex (?) card from David Tennant came. Sorry, but, SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

Had to get that out of my system. I kept thinking, he touched this. He signed it with an x. I am such a fangirl geek.

Also in the mail--my Nine necklace made by 10th_doctor, who is catarsi at etsy. Sorry, I would link that, but I don't know how! How pathetic of me! Please feel free to educate me.

Currently the card is on the table downstairs--I have yet to throw myself at it and roll around on it. Hopefully I can hold myself back. And the necklace is around my neck--it is GORGEOUS. Will post a pic.

I haven't posted in a while--life happening, and I've been worrying my head over The Waters of Mars. That was a ride, yes? Dear me. And OMG. Read that The End of Time will air on BBCA on the 26th of December--if this is true...

Sob.

Oh. And I've started writing again. Am finishing my short story collection. Yay! Hope to have a new story done soon. And hopefully someone will want to publish it. Have another story floating around in my head. It may take a while to make its way out, not sure. No spoilers, but Zeus is in it. So yeah, I guess, spoilers. Oh well. It's hard, trying to find stories that will hang together and work well in a collection. A lot of my old stories seem dated now, so I am also rewriting a few of those--ones that have not been published, of course. I am hoping to have a collection's worth of stories by the spring, so maybe I can enter the Flannery O'Connor award for short fiction contest. Oh yeah. Well, my husband won that award, and so did 6 of his students, so I'm thinking it's my turn, damn it.

Oh, no hubris happening with me. Nope.

At some point I may want readers--my style is very weird, I have an odd voice, I am told--some people like that. Some don't. If you're interested, let me know. Oh yeah, I write contemporary lit'ry fiction, don't ya know. (Am closet fantasy writer. Fantasy is hard!)

Hope you are all well. Have a good night.

Yeah, that's right, I went on a spree. Well, about 4 sprees now. Found some AMAZING deals. So I thought I'd post a list of what I have right now. I am a relatively new Whovian, but I'm working on that. Have many Tom Baker eps and and looking for older ones...

(Also have some Torchwood figures that I will include.)

Doctor Who::

Fifth Doctor
Sixth Doctor
Ninth Doctor
7 Tenth Doctors
1--long coat with red backppack
1 long coat brown suit w/screwdriver
2 regenerated in 9's black coat
1 blue suit with specs
1 with 3-D glasses
1 blue suit

2 Martha
3 Donna
3 Rose


Dalek Thay
Judoon Soldier
Scarecrow
Lilith
Sycorax Leader
Auton
Space pig
Slitheen
Empty Child
Moxx of Ballhoon
Cassandra
Dalek with Mutant Reveal
Cyberman
Vashta Nerada Suit Creature
Ood Sigma

(And more coming)

Stuff:

2 sonic screwdrivers
1 River Song/Doctor sonic screwdriver
i fob watch
Journal of impossible things
Psychic paper
TARDIS

Torchwood:

4 Captain Jacks--with, without coat, one in just WWII Unifrom
1 Ianto Jones (yay!)
1 Tosh
2 Gwen
1 Captain John Hart (SPIKE!)
1 Blowfish

And if any one knows were an Owen might be scored, I would appreciate it.

All but one of the above (well, except for the stuff) are still in boxes. I fight with myself--should I keep them mint, or should I, um, play with them? I am inclined toward play. Maybe even making up pic spams. Fangirl stories with action figures--oh the shame!

Did anyone hear DT call himself a fanboy on Gramham (sp?) Norton? I damn near squeeed.

Met a beautiful man last night, 6'4", brown ruffled spiky hair, brown eyes, very thin, and I thought, gosh he reminds of someone. When I asked his name, he said "David." Major repressed squeeing required. But he's gay (though he flirted), which is fine, because I'm happily married. Still, was nice to be flirted with. I am getting up there. In age, I mean.

On the Girlie Front: Scored some Dior Airflash foundation from Dillards (on sale) and it works like a dream. Instant younger, smoother skin. A bit hard to put on--it's a spray--but I'll get the hang of it.

And should I wear the hair up or down for the Wine Tasting Party at Annie's tonight? OOOPS. Not to self: Buy pinot noir. Soon. And cream puffs.

And in general news--it's snowing. 4 inches on the ground where I am, and it's still coming down. Aieee!

Hope all you out there are well.

Waters of Mars tomorrow night. On a channel we don't get in the states. Hint hint.

It's snowing here.

I know he hasn't left yet. We have till Christmas--or whenever the last episodes air here in the states. But this song has been on my mind all day, and it's one I've always loved, and it seems terribly appropriate. And I'm not talking about David Tennant, I'm talking about my Doctor. We will never forget you, Ten.


Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

You're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.
Just the way you look tonight.

At some time in the future, I will need the help of all my friends here, all the friends you have--a daisy chain of friends, if you will.

I'm not taking this lying down. There is a med that could basically stabilize F for his life--he would have to take it all the time but it is well tolerated and has minimal side effects. But it is either being held up by the FDA, or is in studies that are not accepting people.

I say, bullshit. I saw we make some noise. This is not just about F. There are thousands of people with this disease--eosinophilia--and they all are facing bleak prospects without this new med.  Maybe we could make a difference. I have to get a lot of info together, and figure out who to send the letters to--but I'm hoping you will help me when it's time. A blitz, at this point, cannot hurt.

If any of you can find recruiting trials for a drug called "mepolizumab," please let me know. It is looking more and more that F might have Hyper Eosinophilic Syndrome, which is not good, but this drug, in trials, has been almost miraculous. The local trial is no longer recruiting, even though it says it is online. You don't have to do this--me and some friends are working this angle--but any help is appreciated.

We could make a difference.

Thank you very much.

Shell

So the numbers are back up, and this is not good. But they are not so high that it's bad bad, either. At this point the doc says "wait and see." And they are ordering more tests, don't ya know.

Good thoughts appreciated.

It was a hit. Started off slow then took off and the last guests left around 2 AM. I am exhausted but happy. Some pics:


Professor River Song at ease.


With journal and sonic screwdriver.


The party warms up...



Thanks to 10th_Doctor for the earrings!

More tomorrow--this woman's bed bound.

Night. Or rather, good  morning!

(And if the Texas crowd REALLY loved me they would be driving up...NOT.)



When I look at this, all I can think is 'Don't blink."

I know, that was statues and this is mannequins, but still. creepy.

Have to go pour blood over the torso that's hanging on my front door.

Everybody have a great weekend!

Live journal is full of FAIL because I have not gotten anything in my inbox for over a week, but I checked my MSN box and there were lots of comments about the thing I wrote about losing weight. So sorry I have not responded yet. But here it is--I know I'm leaving things out. If you have a question, please feel free to ask.

Oh and zanna--the dancing exercise thing is so much more fun--and boy do you het a workout. If you keep moving. Which is hard to do at first, if you're anything like me. and if you have bad knees, wear supportive shoes. Oi.

OK, here we go, cut and paste:

I mentioned that I have lost 100 +  lbs, and a couple of people wanted to know how I did it. Here are the things that helped me lose weight, in no particular order (kinda):

One of the most important things to remember when working on losing weight is that you’re not on a diet⎯you’re making a lifestyle change. This requires a huge change in thinking⎯if your on a diet you’re either “on” or “off,” but if you’re making a lifestyle change, then you have room to play with things, find out what works best for you. You’re not trying to follow some diet in the latest fad book⎯you’re slowly changing your life, the way you eat, and this is how you will become successful. If you’re not willing to change your lifestyle, you won’t be able to sustain the weight loss you do have. But you don’t have to change everything all at once. Don’t be scared. This is a gradual process, not a quick fix diet. SO…

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Never, ever punish yourself. If you ate an extra large pizza at noon, then still have your afternoon snack, if you want to. If you start thinking “Well I’ll eat this now and then later I will just drink a lot of water” then eventually you're going to eat everything there is in the fridge! Stop the on/off way of thinking. To do this you MUST NOT punish yourself, ever. I have had weeks where I ate too much, but then have been able to get back with my program, because I didn’t punish myself.

Portion control: Oh I hated this one. Whenever I saw what “good” portion sizes were supposed to look like I wanted to jump out a window. What, that tiny amount? You’ve got to be kidding! But this last time I decided to lose weight I also decided that I didn’t want to feel deprived. So I very, very slowly cut down on my portion sizes. I mean, it took six months to get portion sizes down to where they’re supposed to be. (Meat the size of a deck of cards, ½ cup of veggies, 1/2 cup of starches, etc.) As I made my meals smaller, my stomach shrank. And as my stomach shrank, I found I could not eat a lot of food unless I wanted to feel horrible. (You know, that Thanksgiving Day kind of horrible?) Even when I went out to eat, I found myself ordering less food, because I couldn’t eat as much as I used to. If I did order a big dinner, I often took half of it home with me. So try to slowly reduce your portions sizes, OK? It’s alright if it takes you ages. The weight went on slowly, it will come off the same way.

Snacks:  Do have snacks. Have them 2 to 3 times a day, between meals, and even right before bed. Just make the snacks reasonable, and as healthy as you can. Believe it or not, 5 crackers with a little bit of cheese on them is a healthy snack, especially if you’re getting ready to  exercise. I try to make sure I hit as many food groups as possible in my snacks⎯covering protein, starches, fat, veggies or fruit. So I may have crackers and cheese with a little apple juice, or orange juice. Does that make sense? I may have a glass of milk and an apple. I may have yogurt and a banana.  (And sometimes I say the hell with it and have a couple of cookies and some chocolate milk. But more on that later.) Snacks help you stay on the path to a better lifestyle. They help take the edge off your hunger, so you don’t overeat at your next meal. And they help you blood sugar stay constant throughout the day. Don’t forget snacks!

This is also important: When you FIRST start to feel hungry, EAT. Don’t wait until you’re starving. Part of changing your lifestyle is learning to figure out when you’re hungry, and when you’re eating because you’re bored or nervous. You need to learn to do other things when you’re bored or nervous, but I’ll get back to that. So if you feel hungry, then eat something. If it’s near mealtime eat your meal. If it’s not quite time to eat⎯drink a little milk or juice, just enough to take the edge off. But mostly⎯try to feed yourself by YOUR schedule. This may mean negotiating meals with your family, but it’s worth doing. First off, when you eat when you first get hungry you don’t eat as much. You don’t have that ravenous feeling inside, so a smaller meal is OK. And about the time you start to get hungry again, it’s snack time. Then it’s meal time again. And so on.

Eat breakfast. Now, I don’t like to eat breakfast that much unless I’m eating out, so I keep food that’s easy to get at and eat around the house.  I eat breakfast bars that have protein in them, and drink juice, or eat a piece of fruit. I may also have yogurt and fruit⎯just make sure you get some protein in, and some carbs and fruit. Then you’re set for the day. You want to eat a nice healthy breakfast. This can include an egg! Poached or boiled is best, but if you must have them fried, try to do it with some spray cooking oil and as little butter⎯whatever⎯as possible. But an egg on a piece of toast, with a glass of fruit juice (get real fruit juice, check the package) is a good breakfast. Sometimes I throw caution to the wind and have an omelet. And I use real eggs, because Eggbeaters makes for sad omelets. The point is, I don’t do omelets every day.

More on that last thought: Once a week I let myself eat whatever the hell I want. This is usually enchiladas, but sometimes it’s a cheese/green chile omelet. Yum. With toast. I pick a meal⎯breakfast, lunch or dinner⎯and I enjoy myself as much as I can. Yeah, some times I make the enchiladas with 2% cheese, and I nuke the tortilla instead of frying them, but the point is I make sure I LOVE the taste of what I’m eating. Yes, food is fuel and all that, but it is also a conduit to social interaction. We usually eat with people, or maybe just a husband or wife. (BTW, if you are single⎯this lifestyle change is easier to make! No one to haggle with.) So eat something fun once a week, go wild and enjoy. Maybe it’s a stack of pancakes. You will find, however, that as you decrease your portions, you will not be able to eat as much.

When you’re eating, eat slowly, and savor your food. It goes without saying⎯or maybe it doesn’t⎯that you want to eat GOOD food as much as possible. Get into cookbooks⎯there are many that have wonderful low fat recipes in them. Cook with fresh spices as much as you can (if you can’t afford them⎯grow them!), work on becoming the best cook you can be⎯maybe even take a class. Cook mouth-watering meals. Remember⎯you don’t want to feel deprived. You’re not (eventually) going to be eating nearly as much, so you can pretty much eat what you want. Of course, if you learn to cook low fat meals that are delicious, you will have more success. I have noticed that low fat cookbooks always have some kind of trick to infuse more flavor into the food. If you get different cookbooks, you’ll learn lots of tricks for cutting down fat and infusing flavor and eventually you will be able to convert your favorite recipes to low fat recipes. This has really worked for me. There are TONS of low fat cookbooks out there⎯if you can’t afford to buy them, then get them from the library and copy the recipes you like. The point is, EXPLORE. Learn new ways of cooking. This way you will always enjoy your food. In other words, obsess about food, but in a healthy manner!

I said it before, but I’ll say it again: Eat slowly. It takes about 20-30 minutes for your stomach to signal your brain that it’s full. If you’re eating fast, you will miss this signal. Yes, sometimes I’m in a hurry and I have to wolf down meals, but for the most part I have learned to eat slowly. Some people say to put your fork down between each bite. Use whatever works for you. That’s the point of all of this⎯finding what works for you. So savor your food. If it gets cold, nuke it, or put in the stove for a few minutes. You will find, though, that food will stay warm for at least 20 minutes⎯so this works out quite well. Take at least 20 minutes to eat a meal, do your best to do that.

Another important thing: Learn to find out when you are full, and when you are hungry, and don’t take either one to extremes. You don’t need to be so full that you feel sick, but you don’t want to be hungry, either. So think about it, journal about it if you want to. Stop and ask yourself every now and then if you’re hungry. Not bored, or nervous⎯hungry. Empty gut. Learn how this feels. When you are hungry, again⎯EAT. Maybe not the entire fridge, but a little something. If you manage to get in your snacks you’ll find that your body will adjust to eating three meals and two to three snacks a day, and you’ll be OK. Basically, at any point you’re only two to three hours from eating something!  So practice listening to your body to learn what it feels like to be hungry. A little hungry, not a lot. Like I said before, if you wait until you’re starving, you will overeat. It’s just that simple.

OK, Here’s the hard part: Learning not to eat when you’re bored or nervous or depressed or whatever. First, if you have a craving, see if you are really hungry or if you want to eat for another reason. If you’re nervous⎯what can you do to stop being nervous? Maybe you need a med to help you⎯so call your doc and talk to him/her. Maybe you can get out some paper and a pen and write down your feelings⎯what are you nervous or upset about? And if the answer is “I don’t know,” then write that down. But look around you. What is bothering you? How can you fix it? Talk to your therapist (if you have one) about this stuff. Really delve into yourself to try and find out what is triggering the hunger, or the thought that you need to eat. I am a nervous eater. I really have to watch out for that. And I have to say that CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) has helped me immensely with my nervous eating, I highly recommend it. If you eat because you’re anxious, then get a CBT workbook on anxiety, and go to town. If you’re depressed, get a workbook on depression. Cruise the net and find what you can find about CBT. There’s a lot out there to learn.

Really try hard to get in 5 or 6 servings of veggies and fruit a day. I know, this is hard. But juice can make this easier. Try a glass of V-8 juice at lunch. At dinner, have two veggies. There, that’s your veggies for the day! Eat an apple in the morning and an orange in the afternoon. Incorporate fruit into your snacks⎯I’ve found this is the best way to get fruit in. Like everything else, this may take time to get down. If you haven’t eaten a lot of veggies or fruit in the past, work up to it. First add a veggie to dinner. (The fresher the better.)  Then add an apple to breakfast. Go from there.)

Eating can be a way of coping with stress. So, if you realize that you are not hungry, but are really stressed, what to do? There are so many answers to that question, Basically what I am saying here is you need to find something else you can do to comfort yourself besides eating. Maybe exercise is the answer. Maybe writing is. Maybe you need to get out and take a walk, or turn on the TV, or read or call someone. Get online and chat. Just DO something else besides eating. At first this is really hard to do. Your stomach will complain. But remember⎯if you are really hungry⎯eat. You don’t have to go without. You just need to learn when your hunger is real hunger, and not anxiety or something else. This is a trial and error process. If you keep at it, you will figure it out. It may take you a year, but once you figure this out, you will have much more success in your weight loss.

Also, make sure that you do not suffer from an ulcer or gastritis. You may need to see a doctor if you feel hollow often, but you’re eating right for you. I have an extremely acidy stomach, and have reflux, so I take Nexium everyday. This has helped me in the search for how to lose weight so much; I don’t have that hollow hunger or burning inside me all the time, so I don’t need to eat to quench it. This is really important to find out. If you drink a lot of coffee, you may find out that you feel more hungry because caffeine can make the stomach more active, acidy. So look out for that. Some people have trouble differentiating between a hungry stomach and an acidy one. Make sure you are not suffering from reflux or too much acid. And if you are⎯get help. You can get Prilosec over the counter now. But it’s best to have a doctor’s diagnosis.

I left the worst for last: exercise. We all hate it at first. It’s miserable to get into shape. But did you know that people who exercise just 30 minutes 3 times a week literally have the chromosomes of someone 10 years younger? Exercise will prolong your life, help prevent illness, make you feel and look better.

But it’s still a bitch, isn’t it? Well, here’s an idea. Make a playlist of songs that you really love, crank ‘em up, and dance. Vary the songs, slow, then fast, so you don’t overdo it. If you can hardly move make it 30 minutes of slow music. Just move. Step around. Bring your arms up over your head. Research has proven that even 10 to 15 minutes of moving about helps. We can all find two 10 to 15 minutes spots in our day to move, can’t we? You say you have no time to exercis--you HAVE to find the time. Give something up, if necessary. Because if you don’t you will get sick, and you will miss work; not exercising can have dire consequences. So start with something easy and fun! Maybe only dance for 5 minutes at first. Maybe you like to swim, or fence (I like to fence!), or play baseball or shoot hoops--it doesn’t matter. Just get moving. As you build up strength, you will want to think about adding resistance training into your exercise routine. You can do this at home with little equipment. For example, soup cans weigh about a pound. They will stand in you barbells in a pinch. I am currently working on a way to do all my weight training at home without one of those gyms--no room for on--so if you want to know more about this let me know and I’ll tell you what I’m doing. In a nutshell I’m getting a bench, some hand weights, and tubes with handles. But it’s important to do resistance training right, so email me or look for a book--I’m looking for a good book too. When I find one, I will post about it.

I know I am leaving stuff out⎯maybe I’ll think of it later.

But finally⎯what do you do when you reach your target weight? Well, reverse the process. Make your portions a little bigger, slowly. Keep an eye on your weight. If you start to gain, then reduce your portion a little. Play with this back and forth until you find the right amount of food for you. I used to try and count calories, fat grams⎯all that stuff⎯and found it to be really hard to do. What has worked has been reducing the portion size. So when you’re done reducing, and you’re a healthy size for you (get your doc to help you figure out what that is, or go online and check weight charts) then start eating a little more all through the day. Not much more. Just a little. If you still lose weight, eat a little more. Just do this until you find how much you can eat and maintain the weight. Again, this is a process, not a formula. It’s not “1200 calories to lose and 1700 to maintain.” It’s what works for YOU. Everyone is different. Remember⎯lifestyle change. It’s going to take a while. You will screw up a lot. That’s OK. Just keep trying, and you’ll get there.

(A word about weight charts--I am 6'2". VERy tall. I found one weight chart that said I shouls weigh between 135 and 150. I am anorexic at those weights! So I looked around some more, and found that the average chart said I should weigh between 155 and 195. My goal is 170, sort of in between, I have about 12 pounnds to go. When I get to 170, I will re-evaluate. Am I too thin? Should I take a bit more off? My answer will depend on how I feel, not how I look.)

I decided to throw in one more thing (writing this part now), When I weighed 186 pounds I hurt. My ankles hurt and my knees and hips hurt and sometimes it was hard to breathe, I was really uncomfortable at the best of times and in pain most of the time. Losing weight has reduced my pain levels 80 to 90%, and I am not kidding here.So maybe that can also help as an incentive--less pain is always a good motivator for me. If you're young and heavy, you might feel as much pain, but please know that as you age you will definitely feel the effects of the extra weight on your body. I used to have to take oxycontin for my pain, it was that bad. Now, on a rough day I take tylenol. If you need pain killers, then thank God for them--but if your weight is causing your pain, taking it off is the only way to go.

Ah, another "one more thing." When I was heavy I used to look at myself in the mirror and thing "you fat pig," or something worse. I despised my body. Then I read a book called Minding the Body (great book, btw), a collection of essays from women writers abuot their bodies, and this helpe me a lot. I realized that my body housed me, was me, and I should stop dissing me. I had to accept myself the way I was, admit to all the flaws, but still accept them as me. This was not easy, as you can imagine. But it was after I did this that I started losing weight. And I think it was because I realized that I needed to be kinder to me, to not diss myself at every opportunity, to give myself a healthier body to live in. Think about this. I know it's hard to love your body when it is not perfect--but who among us is? Hell even supermodels are Photoshopped into existence. None of us are perfect, and perfect is boring anyways. Celebrate your uniqueness. Even now, if you are heavier than you should be. Think about how you would treat an overweight friend. You would hate them for being overweight. You might be concerned about their health, but that's a love thing. Turn the Golden Rule on its head, and treat yourself the way you would treat others. This does not mean complacency. This means loving yourself enough to do what's right for you.

AND NEVER PUNISH YOURSELF.

(In case you had forgotten.)

Cherish yourself. Feed yourself good food. Lose weight, feel better, have more energy, look better (gravy). I hope this helps someone. And if I think of anything else that has helped me, I’ll post it.

  Love y'all.

I forgot. The best part is I am filling up the journal with what I hope reads like River Song-y stuff. Mwahahahahaha.

Well, you can't see the color in this pic very well, but I swear it's almost a perfect TARDIS blue. I painted a journal, then stamped panels on to it (which didn't work as well as I hoped, but, hey, it's all in good fun.) So I give you River Song's Journal.




It really is TARDIS blue, I swear.

The dress came today, and is wonderful. Also found what I am sure are River Song-y shoes--shiny and ivory-ish on the top, with an athletic sole. Pretty but practical. So as soon as the earrings arrive, which will be any day now, I will have the whole thing put together.

And I know some of you may be thinking--wait a minute, she's dressing up as River once she's been downloaded, but she left the Doctor her journal and her screwdriver! So how does she have them with her now? (Because she does--I just forgot to photograph the sonic screwdriver.) Well--it's River's virtual world and she wanted them back, and poof, there they were. So there.

Good CAL.

Besides, a girl needs props.

So I know yesterday's news eclipses everything, absolutely. No comparison.

But the dress arrived to day and it FITS. River dress river dress river dress I sing to thee oh river dress.

And I rock when I wear it with the shrug.

Now off to dye my journal blue...

Today we saw F's doc, and found out the blood test results. And they were not just good, they were almost unbelievable! His eosinophil count went from 6.1 to 2.2, which is close to normal. His regular white count was normal. And this is OFF meds. So the plan is to take blood every couple of weeks, and see what happens.

And they retested F's PSA--for those who don't know--F had prostate cancer 4 years ago--and it was .1, barely detectable, which is GREAT.

So all in all F is feeling like he's going to live, and I feel he's going to live, and that way I can live too. Not that I was planning on jumping off the planet or anything--it's just that a "potentially fatal illness" is not the easiest thing to live with. And that's just me, can't imagine how F must feel, deep down, you know?

We had frappaccinos (sp?) to celebrate, and then bought Abobe Light Box, the new version, for F, so I get the old version. Which means I will get to play with photos.

Another miracle: I have poppies in my front yard, the big giant orange and salmon colored ones, and in the spring they are just lovely, but they don't bloom long, and the foliage starts to look crappy, so they get cut back, oh, end of June-ish. My grandson did some work for us and cut them to the ground.

Well of course the foliage grows back, usually by fall I have three little clumps of poppies trying to grow back. But poppies only bloom in the spring, right? Not, apparently, this year. One poppy plant has sent up 4 blossoms. Here is the third (you can see the remains of the second blossom).




The fourth is sort of sticking out the side of the plant--I'll get a pic of it tomorrow. But brave, brave poppy plant, to flower this late in the year. It makes me happy just to think about it. I keep thinking about the Victoria Williams' song "Century Plant"--

Outside my house is a cactus plant
They call the century tree
Only once in a hundred years
It flowers gracefully
And you never know when it will bloom

CHORUS:
Hey, do you want to come out
And play the game
It's never too late
Hey, do you want to come out
And play the game
It's never too late

Clementine Hunter was fifty-four before she packed up her pain
Old Uncle Taylor was eighty-one when he rode his bike
Across the plains of China, Uh huh
And the sun was shining on that day
Just like today

Hey, do you want to come out...

Didn't know how to tell her for over thirty years
Kept locked up inside himself
No one saw the tears
Then she went away
And he woke up that day
So he went back to college at the age of sixty-three
Graduated with honors with an agriculture degree
And he joined up the Peace Corps at the age of sixty-nine
And he rode the grand rapids at the age of eighty-five

Now he brings roses to his sweetheart
She lives most anywhere
He sees someone suffering
He knows that despair
He offers them a rose
And some quiet prose
About dancing in a shimmering ballroom
Cause you never know when they will bloom

Hey, do you want to come out
and play the game
it's never too late...

Just love that song. At 51, it makes me feel like a pup. And yeah, I do want to come out and play, and so does F, and damned if we won't do just that.

Thank you all for your good thoughts--keep them coming!

So I realized that if I am going to wear the River Song earrings that 10th_doctor made for me--I probably should get my right ear opened up again.

The last few times I've tried to wear earrings, I couldn't get the right side through. So I figured it had finally healed back up. So today I went to a place called Koi, and told them what was up, and they said maybe the ear wasn't closed, just constricted. So they took this 3 inch long tapered piece of metal--not pointy, and very small on one end, that gradually widens to the diameter of about two earring posts--and slowly passed it through my earlobe, and voila, it opened up. They did the same thing on the left and put in little ring earrings for me. So this was good and all, but the best was yet to come.

As I'm being rung up, the saleswoman asks me what I am going to be for Halloween, since I mentioned the needing to wear the special earrings, and I said, oh, well, I'm sure you've never heard of this character, but I'm going as River Song, a Doctor Who character.

And she yells "Astronaut River or long flowy dress River?" And I almost danced in the aisle. Flowy dress, I yell back. And the manager (also a woman) comes out and laughs and says, what's up? And we both start explaining--and THEN saleswoman goes off on DT, and how crazy he makes her, how she loves the Doctor and all, but DT--and I say, I have to agree with you there. And the manager wants to see a pic, we pull up the black and white one off the net--computer is right there--and the manager is now a fan. Of DT, at least. And has promised to watch DW.

Such a great feeling, having someone to talk to out here in real life!

OK, now for the rough part. F's last blood tests didn't go so well. We just had it repeated and are going to the doc at 2:30, which is 40 minutes from now. The doc had F stop Gleevec for two weeks, to see if it was doing anything at all. So this means that if F's levels are high again, the Gleevec IS helping and he will go back on it. If they have not raised, or haven't dropped significantly, then we might be looking at Interferon Alpha, which makes you feel like shit. So good thoughts, please. I couldn't bear to see him suffer like that. The scary thing is I don't think he could bear it either. The real bitch is there is a medication that would work, and is perfectly safe and well tolerated, but this ass at the FDA is holding up its release because, well, he is an ass. You! You know who I'm talking about. Jerk.

So if hard not to be a bit bitter.

Please send good thoughts and strength, etc. You guys are the best.

Was up until 2-something last night but popped out of bed early, ready to hit yard sales and thrift stores for party stuff.

Scored:

6 Barbies
1 of those creepy collectible all dressed up dolls
18 white plates
2 punch bowls--one is shaped a little lite a goldfish bowl--but is not
13 glasses
3 linen napkins that will be died, oh silly me, dyed orange
2 black bread baskets
6 containers fake blood
1 Old tatty-lacy tablecloth
1 Medusa mask
1bloody hand print
2 Pumpkin carving set
1 4 foot tall decrepit pedestal (for one of the pumpkins on the porch!)
 Not bad, ay?

Oh the poor Barbies. The poor wee things. Mwahahahaha.

Damn I wish you all could come.

Need:
2 big chef knives
I leather journal
I screwdriver that takes out stripped screws. (Has anyone put together River's screwdriver? It's a bitch.)
1 tiny little screw (see above)
1 pair River earrings
Rope
Punch recipe (Oh I know who to ask)
Several mannequins (we pick up on the 29th, I think. Or early the 30th.)
Black napkins.

I have 2 friends coming over to help me set up. Yay Marci and Annie! And of course I'll put the boys to work.

OK, now I get to rest a bit, and then I have to clean the bathroom. Oh the humanity...

Where: Shelley's house.
When: October 30th @ 7:30 pm
Why: Halloween!
What: Costumes!
Who: All of you! Someone here HAS to live near Salt Lake City, right?

I can message my address to anyone that's interested. Also my phone number, to those who are far away but want to put in an appearance.

Pics will be taken and posted.

This will be short. But WHEW.

I received an email from Nordstrom telling me, gee, they're sorry, but Dress Two isn't available. Would I like to buy own of their other dresses? The cheapest of which was 300+? And NONE of them did the River cross thing in the front...

So I go back onto the net, looking again, and was just about to give up when I found it! The same dress! Dress Two! Slightly different price, what the hell. I also paid for faster shipping, because I want my grubby little hands on the damn thing asap.

Tragedy averted. I hope.

OK, so far I have 3, possibly 4 of my River Song outfit gathered together. Which means they have all come in the mail.

1. Ivory Shrug. Probably mentioned before. But perfect, hangs down in the front and everything.
2. Ivory shoes. Very slippery bottoms, need heel and toe thingies.
3. Ivory tights from DKNY. Do not need heel and toe thingies.
4. Dress One. Let me splain.

I found a long ivory sweater dress online--sort of a very long tank top--and ordered it when I was first looking for the dress. Then I found the cool wrap dress at Nordstrom, marked down so much I couldn't believe it, so I ordered it too. I was thinking, may the best dress win, and the other goes back,

But the first dress, which comes with a near ankle length ivory long sleeved sweater, looks really cool on. Not so River Song-ish, but more me-ish. So I'm thinking maybe it could stay. I mean the sweater alone is tres cool. And with my brown boots--woo hoo.

So still am waiting for Dress Two, which may come today, and will need a bit of mothering to make it work. But if it does work, it will look so cool, so River, you know?

Still to acquire--little earrings. I think they look crystal-y, but am not sure. There's only a tiny glance at the earrings at the end of "Forests of the Dead" when River bends forward a bit. If anyone thinks they are not crystal, but something else, please let me know.

I can't WAIT to do my hair that day. Much pomade will be needed and, oh no, oops, shhh,  spoilers.